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Unified Patriots by Beaglescout

For more than a hundred years the major sources of news led by the New York Timesand the Columbia School of Journalism have engaged in what they call narrative journalism. This is not simple reporting of the Who, What, Where, When, and How variety. This is journalism that places the factual details within a prejudicial story. Every such story has its own villains, victims, dastardly acts, heroic acts of resistance, and references to good and evil causes looming behind the scenes. A character’s role is determined not by their own actions, but by their identity with regard to the allowable villain and victim categories.

Begin with the facts of the story. For instance, let’s start with this simple news story from LifeNews. It happened just the other day.

A member of the Democratic-Farmer-Labor (DFL) Party was suspended after saying Republicans should be brought “to the guillotines” after the November midterm elections.

William Davis, who is the spokesman for the party in Minnesota, commented in a Facebook post: “11.7 — bring them to the guillotines.” Party executive director Corey Day said Davis deleted the post and party spokeswoman Charlene Briner said Davis’s suspension started Monday with no pay for one week, according to The Associated Press.

“The comment made by William Davis on social media this weekend was unacceptable. The DFL offers its apologies and assurance that these types of remarks by our employees are not the way we conduct our business,” Day said in a statement to Bring Me The News.

The screenshot of the Facebook post was posted by the campaign for Republican Attorney General candidate Doug Wardlow. Wardlow is running against the deputy chair of the Democratic National Committee, Keith Ellison, who was accused of sexual abuse by his ex-girlfriend.

Wardlow has since called for Davis to be fired from the DFL and has attacked Ellison for his leadership throughout his party.

I made a table of allowed categories at the bottom of this article that lays out the most likely identities of villains, victims, dastardly acts, and the other prejudicial roles to help rewrite the facts of the above article as a proper #FakeNews narrative worthy of the New York Times, a DNC press release, or even MSNBC. Consult the table for ideas if it’s difficult to arrange categories according to the politically correct party line. Sorry the table is unsorted and somewhat disorganized.

Ready?

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