Veterans Tales by Allen Ness

It must have been 1990 or 91, my battalion was in Thailand for a training deployment. They worked the hell out of us and made us hurt. I learned first hand about the nasty things that live in jungles. After 23 days in the jungle the entire crotch fell out of my trousers, it was cooler that way but still somewhat embarrassing. I wasn’t the only one, that helped a little. The Wolfhounds finally got me a shower and decided I was decent enough to allow to visit Bangkok. Although “decent enough” isn’t a very apt description. We may have been washed on the outside and smellin’ nice but decent never even entered out thoughts.

It was a five hour bus ride from our camp to Bangkok, Thailand. I saw the damndest things on that journey. A family of nine all riding on a single moped. Apparently horsepower was the only recognized traffic law, there were even folks driving garden tillers down the road. They were big tillers but still, this was the definition of “foreign.”

We checked into our room down town in a five star hotel, dropped our bags and went in search of trouble. We strolled down the street past clothing shops, music shops and even a sweet boot store with a pair of knee high american style, pointy toed cowboy boots made from cobra skin. The loops on the top of the uppers were each a cobra’s head with the hood spread. Even David Allen Coe didn’t have a pair of boots like that. We were looking for two things and DAC sings about one of them here…

A couple blocks down the street we found the first and the second. It was called “The 007” and was commonly classified as a “fishbowl.” A bar but the wall behind the bar was glass and behind that was a four tiered stage filled with beautiful little brown girls in all manner of dress, from little school girl outfits to the silkiest of see-through unmentionables. You could order a beer and either a short time or a long time with one of the beauties each wearing a numbered pin on their chosen outfit. When the waitress came to your booth you could order three fingers of Jack and Number 97, short time, please[…]

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